Happy Halloween! Here's the candy you should be stocking your bowls with tomorrow night. For my older generation of readers should they see this post, don't kid yourself, you know NOTHING about what candy is the best. If you have trick-or-treaters coming to your door, stock up with one or two of these choices of candy. Failure to provide a decent candy is insulting /lazy and could even result in getting your house TP'd or egged (I've definitely done it before). Don't try and be "healthy" and give out vegetables or some shit, go hard on the sugar one night of the year (they aren't your kids anyway).
Do: Nerds- Willy Wonka's best candy, hands-down. The little boxes they come in are fantastic to slam entirely in your mouth as sort-of a "candy shot". An argument can be made that this is the best candy available and should be an immediate go-to.
Don't: Tootsie Rolls- Do not even think about it. This isn't 1984 when maybe these were more enjoyed, this candy sucks ass. The chocolate tastes like it has been microwaved with a crayon and gets stuck all over your teeth for a gross after-taste.
Do: Skittle/Starbursts- Your dentist will squirm at these two but these are great fail-safe candy selections. They come off a little lazy but no kid in their right mind would turn away either of these two candies.
Don't: Twizzlers- Truly mind-blowing that this candy still is somewhat popular/enjoyed. They have the texture of a gum that's been chewed for four hours and taste like cherry cough syrup. If you hand me one Twizzler, I'll hand you the chore of cleaning up your front-yard tree riddled with TP the next morning.
Do: Butterfingers- They are the worst candy bars for you for a reason and are the "crack" of the candy world. The people who give out Butterfingers for Halloween are legit and know how to party. 2 or 3 BF's in your sack of candy is a great score, they are that rare.
Don't: Anything with cinnamon or coconut- I know what you're thinking, "I like Hot Tamales!" or "I like Almond Joy's!", well guess what? The vast majority of regular human beings do not so get something else and save that disgusting shit for the back of your pantry to expire there.
By: El Mijo