This subject was hot on the text-line this morning so I'm releasing MY official rankings and justifications. Feel free to comment and/or blog your own rankings/thoughts, I know the Flap will!
#5 Eddie Franklin (Eddie, New York Knicks): Setting the record straight, women and hoop's don't mix well. There are two anomalies to this theory, Aunt Martha and Eddie Franklin. Eddie took over the typical dumpster-fire New York Knicks squad mid-season and led them into the playoffs using sheer black-lady sarcasm/prowess. Talk about some serious stones too! Benching then all-star head case Staci Patton for Nate Wilson! Crazy gamble that paid off big time. I honestly think Whoopi should call up Phil Jackson and be an "honorary coach" for a preseason game, then D-Fish gets pissed, quits and Eddie Franklin is back! It would at least make the Knicks games worth watching again.
#4 Billy Heywood (Little Big League, Minnesota Twins): Imagine being a Twins fan in 1993! Your owner dies, he gives the franchise to his 12 year-old grand son, the 12 year-old then promptly fires your newly hired manager and inserts himself (a child) as the manager/owner moving forward. The Flap would have a coronary if this happened to one of his franchises! Most 12 year-olds are obnoxious, annoying and generally dumb, Bill Heywood was a young Bochy trapped in a pre-pubescent body. A child leading men based on the concept of having more "fun" was both idiotic and brilliant, Heywood was even 6 inches away from a home run ball giving them a playoff berth. Not to mention he is the only manager/coach who will ever understand the intricacies of the water balloon..
#3 Gordon Bombay (The Mighty Ducks): Controversial! Yes, Bombay is a stud coach. He obviously has fantastic motivation skills and a great eye for mixing in different talents but Bombay never hit his peak as a coach I feel. His next jump would be to the NHL to coach but he chose the legal career, leaving his future/potential/greatness up in the air. How about D4: The Anaheim Ducks? Bombay, a bored/retired laywer gets hired to coach the NHL team. His journey starts by flying to Sweden or some shit to recruit journey-man Charlie Conway, controversially trading an established veteran for Adam Banks, hiring Julie the Cat as an assistant and hanging with Goldberg, the team's play-by-play announcer. Throw in some new goofy actors/characters, and a new sexy/older Bombay slam-piece too (I'm thinking Courtney Cox?) cuz the D2 broad was a bad one. You could even have Seeen's Sharks being the "bad team/villian" because they are never going to win in reality or fantasy anyway. Hire me, Disney, you piece of shit. D4: Coming November 2016.
#2: Herman Boone (T.C. Williams High School, Remember the Titans): If you have ever been coached by a big black guy equipped with a booming voice, you've experienced Coach Boone. What a experience too! The type of coach you can quote for the rest of your life and also use his teachings/sayings on your future children/players. Boone coached during the heart of the Civil Rights movement and led the Titans to the state title with an undefeated record. Of course his team was stacked with the best of both racial worlds, and he had an established/successful Coach Yoast to lead his stellar D but pretty incredible to lead a team to greatness given the time and pressure. Let's make this clear too, if this is your favorite Denzel movie, you clearly haven't seen Training Day or Man on Fire.
#1: Michael Jeffrey Jordan (Tune Squad, Space Jam): That's right! The greatest fictional coach ever is His Airness. A fictional coach can also be a player/coach, and if you want to split hairs and say that cartoons aren't real then what is the point of this entire ranking based on FICTIONAL coaches? Check out this Harvard-Analysis of the official box score of the Space Jam game.
http://www.wired.com/2011/03/space-jam-box-scores/
The Tune Squad was down 66-18 at halftime! They were beat, done, doomed to Moron Mountain! Sir Altitude never gives up tho. MJ gets the "Secret Stuff" idea from Bugs to spark the squad, but he personally leads/coaches the Toon Squad on a 48-2 run, and makes the game-winning shot!?! The coaching adjustment to apply clamping defense and free ball movement that utilizes each Looney Toons personal skill was legendary. Jordan also never missed a shot in the game, going a perfect 22-22, and scored 44 points, talk about cool under pressure! You can go on and on with more reasons why the Toon Squad should've been blasted! Marvin the Martian had zero clue how to officiate basketball, The Monstars were all NBA All-Stars, Michael was rusty from playing baseball, and his best toon-player Bugs Bunny was often chasing and/or distracted by Lola Bunny. MJ even makes the ultimate sacrifice and spares the Looney Toons from going to Moron Mountain if they lost the game by volunteering himself as a prize! He brilliantly subs to get a quick 2-points from a useless Newman, then gets Bill Murray's knees to hold up for a quick steal/assist that sets up the game winner. Finally, MJ uses his knowledge/idea of Looney Toon-Land immortality to stretch for the game winning shot. I rest my case.
http://www.wired.com/2011/03/space-jam-box-scores/
The Tune Squad was down 66-18 at halftime! They were beat, done, doomed to Moron Mountain! Sir Altitude never gives up tho. MJ gets the "Secret Stuff" idea from Bugs to spark the squad, but he personally leads/coaches the Toon Squad on a 48-2 run, and makes the game-winning shot!?! The coaching adjustment to apply clamping defense and free ball movement that utilizes each Looney Toons personal skill was legendary. Jordan also never missed a shot in the game, going a perfect 22-22, and scored 44 points, talk about cool under pressure! You can go on and on with more reasons why the Toon Squad should've been blasted! Marvin the Martian had zero clue how to officiate basketball, The Monstars were all NBA All-Stars, Michael was rusty from playing baseball, and his best toon-player Bugs Bunny was often chasing and/or distracted by Lola Bunny. MJ even makes the ultimate sacrifice and spares the Looney Toons from going to Moron Mountain if they lost the game by volunteering himself as a prize! He brilliantly subs to get a quick 2-points from a useless Newman, then gets Bill Murray's knees to hold up for a quick steal/assist that sets up the game winner. Finally, MJ uses his knowledge/idea of Looney Toon-Land immortality to stretch for the game winning shot. I rest my case.
By El Mijo